Posts Tagged ‘love’


So here’s a story about love

June 16, 2013

Love is much more than what the ideological trash on TV shows.

Passion is never destructive, for instance. It’s a life force. We need passion to lead meaningful lives. And passion is not wild sex ending in tragedy. It’s what moves you. What gets you to do things in life, and share.

Love is about love, not war. So it’s never about violence. Violence comes because of patriarcal values and social structures. Patriarchy has a war against love. Why should loving end in tragedy, it’s an easy question to answer. It shouldn’t.

The only “tragedy” is death, or when love is not reciprocated. Love is about respect, about your curiosity or tenderness being totally interested, aware, involved. Love is about cooperation, enjoyment, developing one’s intelligence. Love is Rational empathy + passion. A unique way of knowing someone.

So when you watch a love story, try to track the real love in it — we’re so confused because of the ideological bombing. Clean it from all the patriarchal dogmas distorting it. Find the love. Focus in finding the love. And trust this: love is never compulsory. It’s never obligatory. And it can take all kinds of shapes and forms and contents. But it’s always about love, not about suffering, or sacrifice, or torturing, or hurting. It’s about loving.


On love and what love is not and what we turn love into if we don’t analyze the issue!

March 12, 2013

Today this issue came up, and I don’t know how come! Anyway!

I have some advice for adults who are in charge of bringing up children, siblings, in a home. I would like to tell them — Please, don’t tell these children that their siblings are Family, meaning that they should love each other because they’ll be the only true and everlasting support they get from human beings. When you do this, you are turning a very human trait, that of love, into an obligation, and this is not positive for the relationship. The truth is that we humans get support from very many and different people throughout our lives, people like friends, but also from people we are not attached to emotionally. And the truth is Family relationships are oftentimes full of hurt. I can imagine this — if we didn’t tell children this kind of horrible things, siblings would possibly develop naturally a love of supporting each other, mutual love, or not, but the story would be about that, not about hurting each other. There is nothing as disempowering and damaging as fighting with someone you love.

I believe this is also a good piece of advice for people who fall in love and want to share their lives. Love should not be turned into obligation. This kills love! Love is not about sacrifice: when we love someone and we’re free to love, supporting this person, doing something altruist for this person should just be about this, about love, and not about selflessness and sacrifice. Actually, when we love and we’re free to love, say I’m sleepy but my partner needs some help, I might prefer to stay awake to help, just out of love. I may also simply go to sleep. Both things are possible and they do not say much about my love for that person. There’s no possible fight here, in free love. The person who needs help will understand the other falls asleep, in the same way that the person who manages to stay awake to help the other will do so because of love.

Life is simpler when we do not chain love to obligation, and it allows for much healthier relationships. At least, this is what I’ve come to believe after a life full of love towards many different people (friends, acquaintances, teachers, colleagues, people you meet when you travel…) but also including frustrated love in the Family. If I had children (something I have never wanted to do, in spite of having a womb! — and I’m not saying this with sadness, I’m just stating a fact in the very novel context of a feminist-developing society where women are starting not to be seen as containers, but as human beings with a mind, who may or may not wish to have children!), I would certainly avoid saying “Love your Family, they will always be there!”

Loving your family is a likely outcome when you share part of your life with them provided they are not at war and it actually happens. If you love them, it’s because we humans grow fond of people we share life with. And there is more: like other animals, we are capable of altruism. On the other hand, not loving your Family may happen for many different reasons, and not just because you are a psychopath! If you don’t love your family, or if you do but it hurts too much to be around them, don’t feel bad, just move away if it hurts or you feel suffocated, or simply try to get along nicely, meaning with nice constructive politeness which does not mean being hypocritical, but simply learning to live together!


Forgoodnesssake… Love is not hatred!

February 5, 2013

I can’t believe my ears!! A demented conversation on TV, where a “writer” explains that hatred is a form of love, and revenge, a form of justice!!

Ignorance is strength! (to quote Orwell) Ugh!

Love is about love, and hatred is its opposite! Read the Greeks, Mr Writer & Thinker! Or read feminist analysis! (there’s a lot on this, obviously: just think of the terrifying sayings justifying hatred in love relationships!). Or simply think about what you are saying!


One Billion Rising

January 27, 2013


Man Prayer

January 27, 2013

by Eve Ensler


Rolemodels – people who did quite well (it seems) loving each other!

January 25, 2013


One of the most important steps we humans gave in the 20th century was finally understand that freedom is necessary if we want to learn to love. Historically, marriage has never been about love. And in a way, in the 20th century it started being about love. But there was more: we could also love truly without being married, because love is about emotion and respectful relationships, loving relationships, and not about anything else. From this point of view it’s much easier to understand that if love ends because both people stop being in love, it’s as sad as if you lose a friend. It’s sad, but this doesn’t mean that the past was false, or that the future needs to be all about suffering. There are a lot of lovely people on Earth! Most importantly, life is not about falling in love with some One. Life is full of people and your Self is full too, of potential, and we can do all kinds of things in life. In love-sex relationships, it seems to be good to specialize, if we like (as good as if we don’t because we don’t want to!), because we still have a lot to learn about relating to ourselves and to others in loving ways. Step by step! 😀 But, I mean, love is about love. And life is about living. And we can share emotions, adventures, conversations, etc. without “being in love.” We should widen up the scope, really! 😀 Because some people spend their whole life wanting to have a partner, forgetting about love. We’re trained to ignore love. But this has been a great beginning, the 20th century!

People whose sense of freedom has not been crushed by Industry, in spite of the dramatic fact that their work, artistic work, opened a new road money-makers would populate! Robert Plant and Maureen, his partner… together from 1968 to 1983


bacallbogartbacallbogart3Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart… together from 1945 to 1957 (when he died)


Jodie Foster Cydney Bernard… together from 1993 to 2008 or 2013? (As you can see, it’s harder to find more private photos of homosexual relationships, because they still have to be really careful, to protect their love, and their lives.)

Who knows about more people who loved other people nicely? (I mean, famous people!)


Love Matters

November 28, 2012

(The subject of this post has two meanings, one coming from “matters” operating as a name (a noun), and the other coming from understanding “matters” as a verb.)

This week in Avanzado 2 we’ve had the first session on the topic “Love.” I wondered why the Love & Revenge stories were all by women — I mean, it was women taking revenge on men they’d been in love with — considering revenge has always been a Big Issue in men’s lives. Wording aloud this question made me realize: revenge by men has traditionally involved beating up women, mutilating them, burying them alive (so to speak but also literally), terrorizing them publicly, raping and murdering them, and then also killing men — but honorably, for honor, like the use of violence, is a Man’s Business in patriarchal societies — in those honor rituals of death they set up. So picking those stories wouldn’t be fun. (I can’t understand why gender issues seem to be so invisible to the world, especially when the world we’re enjoying today in some parts of the world and only some of the people is so NEW in social terms, really, when we have so much to learn from their analysis if we really want to improve things including our human mind. I should note here that in Spain there are about 100 women murdered a year by men who were supposed to love them and thousands abused in their homes — the safest place for women some say. That’s real. On the other hand, I should note that we’ve managed to make society aware of this gender fact, this gender violence (the name is a scientific term based on the analysis of the patriarchal system whereby just for reasons of sex, men have enjoyed the right to “educate” and “punish” or “take revenge on” “their” women), to the point we now have a Law against Gender Violence — which we desperately needed to make society aware of this great invisible issue, as desperately as we needed the laws to protect children from violence, or immigrants running away from poverty and war from racism! Strangely enough for any rational human mind, feminists in our society are ignored or despised — always thought to be “excessive, bitter, man-hatters, intimidating, undeserving our trust, incapable of being fair and doing analyses”! And that’s why as a teacher I’m committed to offering information and insight from this social movement.) The lesson was fun and interesting and students shared interesting insight on the three stories: one was an Art Project by over 100 women based on a break-up fax one of them had received, another’s revenge was pretending to be a stunning-looking woman interested in dating the lover who had dumped her, and the third was about destroying the man’s most cherished belongings. There were some interesting comments, too, on the Top 10 Lines to Break Up! We had a laugh. 😀

I here I go!!! 😀 I do have some crystal clear advice for people in connection to love. In my half a century on this planet, I’ve come to realize that love, understood as a monogamous relationship involving living together all the time, should not go first in our list of things to “get” or experience or enjoy. It should come once we’ve learned/learnt to live and are able to stand on our own feet. My advice is people should experience the joys and miseries of human relationships with friends and lovers (they seem to get more respect from us than a partner or a family member). They should also learn from becoming independent (in the UK or the USA people leave their parents’ house when they’re 18, but in Spain this is not very usual: people tend to leave their parents’ house when they’ve bought their own house) all the important things we need to learn in life, basically, to stand on our own feet. Need and dependance (emotional, material) are not the only paths for loving people. I think it’s good to learn to be resourceful and independent. Because if you don’t do this, I believe your ability to appreciate what matters most in life is kind of crippled. Of course, I could be wrong. Anyway, love — in my view — is about love. And we don’t get many images of that in our very visual societies. Love is not about manipulation, abuse, neglect, revenge and the like! TV is nauseating on this topic. In the same way that passion is not about all that. We learn the wrong kind of passion in our societies. Passion is not about desperate need and total annihilation either. But there’s TV to refute all this I’m saying! Fortunately, then there’s always people. And we are learning faster since the 20th century. And whether people acknowledge it or not, socially and individually, feminism (and its sister, the GLBTI movement) has brought about a much better world for us all, where love and passion have greater chances of developing nicely! 😀

I was surprised to find a writer who had this idea I learned from living of We need to learn to love, so we shouldn’t start with the hardest kind of love! (My theory is different, but they share the approach, I suppose.) Here is the short story: A Tree, A Rock, A Cloud. (I mispronounce “Cullers”, it’s the /a/ in “some”, not a /u/, and I read trying to mark the pronunciation of the -ed ending so students practice this!) It’s written by Carson McCullers, a very special writer in my view (reading her novel The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter I felt like submerged in the world of the two deaf men and the independent girl. I can’t remember the story but I still remember that feeling!). She was actually born in the same year as Jane Bowles and Leonora Carrington, two of the other writers I have loved to read! What was it about 1917? 😀


Love letters to strangers

November 21, 2012

One of the amazing TED Talks: Listen to this! (gee, more love bubbles!)


On lovable people

November 19, 2012

(A Teacher’s Diary) Today in Intermedio 2 Monday when we were talking about clothing & footwear and culture, we pointed out how much pressure there is in Madrid for people to wear alien clothes at social events and at work, meaning suits for men and high heels and stockings and hair down for women (eek!!!), Víctor told us two stories: one about one of the two Facebook founders, who found himself surrounded by Spanish people dressed in suits at a conference he was invited to give at a college!! The Fb man was wearing casual clothes — jeans and a T-shirt. Why was he the only one?! The other story was about a surgeon who attended a very important event where he was going to address the audience wearing an African shirt he was given — while volunteering operations in Africa! (love bubbles!!! Pompitas de amor!!!) I can’t remember if he was going to be given an award or if he was going to give a talk on a kind of surgery he has succeeded in, but people were all dressed up for the event (in Madrid) — and this man too! 😉

So — he’s my no. 1 Platonic Love!! — not lover, though, like Marilyn Monroe I have specialized (meaning I’m in a monogamous relationship)! (The link takes you to the song and if you scroll down a bit you can sing along, because it’s got the lyrics!)

NB: I made a terrible language mistake! I don’t look like a transexual person when I’m in high heels and all made up! (not that I ever am!) I look like a transvestite! Sorry for that. I support transexuals, as so does the GLBTI movement (gay-lesbian-bisexual-trans-intersexual people). Actually, one of my friends is trans and she’s one of the bravest, kindest, most intelligent and most generous persons I’ve ever met. If you want to learn a bit about trans people — well, this is more for an Advanced level, really — you might enjoy this amazing video, where a woman (trans) talks about Bad Questions to Ask a Transsexual. And note this, she talks about a terribly painful topic using humo(u)r.

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