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NI2L – Example 5 – Making suggestions

February 12, 2013

B1 Writing Task: 150 words sending suggestions to language teacher, mentioning three points: more speaking activities, some individual feedback, congratulating on a previous activity.

Based on Student 5‘s work, with corrections and suggested alternative wording. The student was HAVING A BAD DAY, and on top of that, she doesn’t feel she can write. So here is what you can do to survive a Writing Test with the task mentioned above. Based on her own writing, which was incomplete and that would have made her flunk, but which could have been enough to pass if she had done something like this with that material…. (Find more examples on the Intermedio 2 page)

The student is using British English

——————————————————–

Dear teacher,

[How are you?]

I’m having a bad day. But here is the letter I promised last week, with suggestions on how to improve our lessons. I shouldn’t delay this more.

Firstly, [I think we have become silent as a group.] I suppose we’re all very tired. In spite of this, I would like to speak more in class. I think this would wake us up, so to say! 🙂 One idea for this could be to establish a routine: every Monday we could speak in pairs after preparing a speaking card. Then, in every lesson, we could speak with a different classmate.

About individual feedback, I’ve been trying to think about it, but I’m blank. I hope other students can help you more than me* in this!

But what I can do just now is tell you I loved last week’s lesson! It was fun and we had a laugh watching that TV episode!

Well, see you tomorrow!

S.

(168 words, a bit long, so I’ve crossed out a few words, but I can’t cross out words here, so they are in square brackets)

Can this letter pass the Writing Test? Yes. It’s true it doesn’t develop the second point, but structure, communicative target, tone/register (informal), and its English are perfectly OK.

Notice the tenses (present continuous, past simple, present simple, polite “would like”, conditional (hypothetical) “would”, present perfect continuous, imperative.
Notice the modals (“would” can also be considered a modal in some of its uses, anyway): shouldn’t (moral obligation), could (suggestions/proposals), can (ability).
Other stuff: “hope” + present (modal or ordinary verb), “how to” + verb, “after” + -ing verbal form, good use of “other”, a comparative “more than me*”, a Saxon Genitive in a time expression! (wow!)…

——————————————————-

* than I or than me? Well, when the word is a Subject Pronoun, it’d be I, and if it’s not, if it’s an Object Pronoun, then it’d be “me”. In this case, the issue is kind of tricky. It should probably be: “I hope other students can help you more than I [can help you] in this.” The fact that we omit the clause, doesn’t erase the fact that “I” would be or IS its subject. However, at a B1 level we cannot consider this ambiguous case a mistake!

TO SURVIVE THE WRITING TEST YOU NEED TO WRITE THE AMOUNT OF WORDS YOU ARE ASKED TO WRITE, WRITE ON THE TOPIC, WITH THE COMMUNICATIVE TARGET YOU ARE REQUIRED, AND MENTION THE THREE POINTS YOU’RE GIVEN.

IF YOU CAN’T WRITE ABOUT A POINT, FUCKING MENTION IT!!! :D, FOR GOODNESS SAKE! SEE EXAMPLE BELOW! (POINT 2)

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2 comments

  1. Oh my God¡ This is a clear example how an ogre becomes a princess. Thanks teacher¡¡¡


  2. 😀 Wow, Sylvia! That’s a very intelligent comment!! Personally, that’s what I love more about learning from my own mistakes. And that’s why I started writing, including poetry! There’s something that’s not working properly, and through a certain use of words, you learn to put it in more beautiful terms!

    Take five!



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